So Chanters won BB in the end. Well, there was no contest really. It was all very advantageous to C4 and Endemol: 'Oooh, the first time a non-celebrity has ever gained so much publicity for a celeb reality programme, etc etc.' Chantelle won because she kept her head while all around lost theirs, like almost every other BB winner ever. She was also hugely aided by the fact that she didn't suppose for a second that she would win, so never got her knickers in a twist. She simply pouted and giggled, as behoves her nature - all the way to Max Clifford and a 10-page spread in 'Nuts'. I hope she licks the plate well and truly clean. In the year of the middle-aged male bully, I'm just glad a woman won out of principle.
Denise Van Outen guest hosted The Friday Night Project but one whiff of her and I'm straight back at stage school. Dubious smells suddenly seem to be emanating from unitards, and I'm in a great state of anxiety about the relative strengths of lycra and tampax and whether I'm going to spray my peers with menstrual blood as I pirouette. So I watched as much BB as I could lay my eyes on instead, hoarding memories for the vast swathe of time before it restarts again. Roll on May.
Also watched Freeway, a pretty violent and tenuous retelling of the Little Red Riding Hood story. The fairytale basis of the narrative could explain the 'stylism' of the performances, but it could equally have been the crap acting. The dialogue was grittily unrealistic in its depiction of po' white trash in the deep South, and Witherspoon's fellow inmate was even more annoying than Juliette Lewis, largely because she was an impression of her. Spoony was lucky to get the old 'Legally Blonde' script, I can tell you; 'serious acting' consists for her of screeching at such an excruciating pitch that I couldn't keep the mute button near enough to my finger for the two hours of its duration.
Dancing on Ice continues tonight - the programme that puts a rainbow over my heart. Who will fall? How garish will the costumes be? And how offensive the commentator towards Bonnie Langford? In the first week he marvelled at her mobility given that she's "nearly forty." This is genius telly though and the complete antithesis of BB. The ludicrousness of what the celebs have undertaken guarantees audience empathy and galvanises the contestants together. Seeing the embittered BB celebs lined up on their seats last night, studiously ignoring or actively mocking each other, was a joyous, almost karmic sight. The only cohesion between that unit will be the lifelong hatreds they harbour for each other. So looking forward to the reunion barbecue tomorrow.......
2 comments:
"Freeway" is a marvellous film, of excessive bad taste and fabulous panto performances - Brooke Shields is particularly impressive. It's almost as good as early Peter Jackson. And I stand by my opinion that Ms Spoon is a fine actor (see "Election") - she merely has a lack of judgement in choosing films. By the way, Bonnie Langford once rented out my dad's house. He had no reports of misuse or staining.
Alright, guv, you got me on "Election", but I challenge you on the lack of judgment thing. More like a lack of choice. (Whatever happened to Julia Stiles by the by?). Since watching 'Freeway' I have learnt that two of my friends found the combination of the film and their usual consumption of Friday night alcohol resulted in nausea and, latterly, vomiting. Flailing wildly between genres, it was like Angela Carter meets Quentin Tarantino, without the talent of either. Oh, and Bonnie Langford ROCKS.
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