Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Monday Night's TV (10/05/06)

I know I'm probably one of only 132 people who watch the show, but it was the final of America's Next Top Model on Living TV last night. I know it was on Living TV because its difficult to forget when there's a massive logo screaming the channel brand and hampering your enjoyment of whichever programmes you happen to be watching on it. I'm the sort of person who skips to the end of a riveting book just to see what happens and then rues that I've spoilt the ending, so it has taken all my self-control not to type "winner + america's next top model + season 5" into Google over the previous weeks. Nicole winning was therefore a double surprise, not only because I didn't know beforehand, but also because I thought the nice girls won that show, not the objectionable, moody, immature, bitchy-faced ones. Nicole's competition was Nic, her sort of inverse twin. Where Nicole's face was English rose, Nic's was palpable with an exotic, sensual beauty. While Nicole's body was a teenage beanpole, Nic's had womanly curves. Nic was, in fact, so striking, and so beautiful, that she's been my dead cert from week one. The only thing she lacked was a discernible personality, and a modicum of self-confidence. To Tyra et al's credit they did give her plenty of opportunity to develop some charisma, but it turned out that she was, after all, just a pretty face. Nicole, on the other hand, had the sort of chasm between her external appearance and internal character which is actually quite unsettling. You couldn't get a more innocent, coochy-mouthed, creamy-skinned, fawn-eyed beauty if you tried, yet you knew, you just KNEW, that the girl's going to be a SUPERcow by the time she hits her twenties. Even before the final runway challenge you could see something change in her attitude towards her competitor, suddenly becoming all, "Yeah, right whatever, Nic." Perhaps a character like Nicole is more suitable for the world of fashion than a Nic though. Previous winners of ANTM haven't exactly lit the industry on fire, but the favourite for most successful has to be the appropriately-named Eva the Diva. Maybe the tough, self-assured cookies are the best ones to plump for - its not a Fulbright scholarship, after all, it's a dog-eat-dog world. I'm really going to miss it. In the same way that The X-factor looks like bad karaoke compared to American Idol, ANTM makes our British version look like a wet T-shirt competition in Butlins. Only on the BNTM can someone slag off a fellow competitor to their face for having "saggy tits", to the retort, "I work damn hard on my tits! These aren't saggy, these are NOT saggy!" Oh, lets face it, the NTM shows are objectifying and morally reprehensible forms of television. But I love them. Bring on season 6!

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