Big Bother

Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bedroom lying silently on his bed, incapable of even feigning an interest in one another. Charley is arguing with Liam about the nature of the Lacanian "Real"

CHARLEY: Fing is right, Lee, what I was saying was that what is foreclosed from the symbolic order comes back to haunt it, right, and then you was like gettin all up in face, yeah, and saying fings like "the "Real" ain't closed then" and I wasn't sayin that, yeah, and you was sayin that I was...

Liam tries to interject

CHARLEY: Na, na, na, na, na. Listen to me for a minute, right? I got nuffin to say to you no more, you're dead to me, right?

CAROLE: Charley...

CAROLE: Oh fuck off right, Carole. Know what I mean though, Lee? You're lucky I don't get a stick and drop ya, yeah, d'you know what I mean though?

Nicky enters

NICKY: Does anyone want a nice meal? I'm happy to cook a nice meal if anyone wants to eat my nice meal. Charley, do you want a nice meal?

CHARLEY: Right fuck off, Nicky, right yeah? You're always up in my face about food and it's really irri...irrigravatin...can't fink of the word....irrigating me or whatever now and it's like really fucking me off, right?

Charley storms out

NICKY: Go-od, I was only asking if she wanted a nice meal. That is so rude. I mean, I'm happy to cook a nice meal but if you don't want a nice meal, then I won't cook a nice meal.

LIAM: I'll have some food if you're cooking some like, lass.

NICKY: Well, I'm happy to do that. There's some pasta left over from lunch, and I was thinking about getting a tin of tomatoes and, like, bulking it up, and doing a bit of a side salad as well? That'll be nice, won't it, Liam? That'll be a nice meal. And I'm happy to cook that for you.

LIAM: Aye, thanks like...

NICKY: Anyone else for a nice meal?

CAROLE: I'm alright thanks, Nicky, but can I just say, when you're cooking..

NICKY: Oh, fuck OFF, Carole. Everyone is so rude in this house...

CAROLE: Nicky, I was just....

NICKY: No, Carole, just NO, alright? It's really fucking me off now...God...

Nicky storms out

OK, OK, OK! Big Brother.

You know I normally love to write about Big Brother? Well, I haven't yet felt the urge this year for some reason. What is there to say? Chanelle is vacuous and self-absorbed but has the potential to become a sentient person at some point in the future (although not over the next ten weeks) ; Emily is so arrogant she is unable to find the connection of 200 years of black oppression with her need to be seen as ironically street; Charley and Shabnam are superficial idiots; Ziggy looks like a tortoise; Lesley should have stayed. Maybe I'll talk about someone no-one else has, and I'm pretty fascinated by Carole myself. Well, intrigued by the mindboggling banality of her statements; "I think I'll have a cup of tea", "Those eggs needs to be put in the fridge", "It's cloudy but clearing from the west". Yet there is real depth underlying the seeming straightforwardness of her conversation. For instance, on the live streaming the other night I was enthralled by her description of how to remove depilation wax from glass surfaces. Apparently, because it is acetate-based, your standard Jif and Flash is as good as useless. You have to HEAT the substance from underneath until it starts to lift and then SCRAPE it off. This must be the sort of stuff you pick up at Greenham; Lesley certainly didn't contribute any domestic hints as handy after all her years with the WI. I suppose I should keep tuned for Carole's ideas on how to remove yellow sweat stains from your white summer shirts.....