Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday Night's TV (29/5/06)
New housemates, eh? Not particularly interesting in their own right, but interesting to see their instant effect on the group. Outcast Nikki was immediately reabsorbed into Team Smug, becoming the lesser of two evils after another promos girl Aisleyne entered the house. There's also a tranny who says 'oh my god' a lot, a phrase more than a little exhausted by Ms Houghton. My ears pricked up when Sezer spoke to Aisleyne about the dramas that have already happened, and claimed that the group had "got rid of" the ones they didn't like. "Ah, bullies?" said Aisleyne, to Sezer's non-comprehension. "You're a bunch of bullies then?" she repeated. Sezer answered in the negative. Has she been watching the programme or what? If nay, she's incredibly astute. If yay, then good, it doesn't look like she likes Grace/Mikey/Imogen/Sleazer contingent, raising the likelihood of the four of them being crushed like Maxwell and Saskia before them. Imogen and Grace were hilarious last night, clinging onto their boys like limpets. I can see why Grace, in particular, is worried. Not that Aisleyne is especially beautiful, but surely Mikey's going to get sick of that fat mouth and the constant stream of rubbish that comes out of it soon enough....
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Not so much a comment as a manifesto, but proof Big Brother has succeeded in pushing me to form what might euphemistically be described as an opinion (or rather succeeded in edging my misanthropy over the line into hate crime)... yes, it’s Grace. Would it be wrong of me to express an interest in eating a fuckload of Sun Maid raisins and emptying my colon onto her pudgy, pig-eyed, orange little visage? Grace: “Please don’t think I’m a shallow person, babe, cuz honestly I’m not.” Oh, Grace, you’re not shallow; shallow implies a modicum of depth. You are a vacuum. You are an awful, nasty, fucked up, lime-faced shit of a human being. I look into your eyes and I see panic and desperation swirling round like soured UHT in the Tesco Value Instant of your absolute nothingness. “It’s just a TV show”, I hear you say; “Grace is but an unsightly non-entity with no sway beyond the sweaty clutch of chug-nuts extracted by Endemol from the arsecrack of Britain.” True, but it’s what Grace represents that has me loading my trolley in the dried fruit aisle. Perhaps you knew someone like Grace at school. The kind of girl who beat the shit out of first years then cried and made out she was the wronged party, or slept with her best mates’ boyfriends and called all the other girls slags. The kind of girl whose mummy and daddy always made sure she had the best, who ruled the school with an iron pout and a Wella-ed fringe of fear, and made yours and my life a living hell. Did no-one notice her parents were ripe to produce a mentally, socially, emotionally mangled trout of a retard with nothing but a tube of bronzer and a rank turd where her soul should be? Did no-one think of taking Mr and Mrs Grace aside, holding chloroform to their mouths and rendering them incapable of reproduction? Why not?! Back in the darkest days of the Emergency, Indira Gandhi had the canny idea of compulsory sterilization for the poor, a kind of pre-emptive ethnic cleansing if you will. Misguided, brutal and downright fascistic as that most certainly was, may I suggest we apply the same technique to Britain’s ruling classes. Grace, and people like her, will not go away. Unless we pick up our tweezers, our scalpels and blowtorches and get ourselves over to Knightsbridge, pronto. Tomorrow: why I’ll be hanging round Elstree on Sezer’s eviction night with a tranquiliser gun and an gargantuan dildo.
TE, it's been pointed out to me that I'm rather piggybacking your blog. Sorry about that. Looks like I'm just going to have to go into direct competition with you! disappointedkid.blogspot.com
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