It's been a while since I saw one of those Greece Uncovered-type programmes, the progenitor of the reality TV which saturates our screens today. The biggest surprise when I watched Club Reps: The Workers was how self-critical such telly has become. For instance, as 16-year-old Jolene from Arran spoke about how her job in Faliraki was broadening her horizons, the editors intercut her platitudes with images of lads being sick in the road, and girls whacking their boobs out. The workers themselves were made to look as bad as the holiday makers; one particularly charming woman from the south of England promised her customer in a restaurant that she'd be his "dirty little waitress", but, swinging round to the see the camera trained on her, exclaimed, "My fucking mum's got to watch this!" The picture of package holidays presented was utterly depressing, from the rep/manager shouting threateningly, "peel the banana!" "eat the banana!" to a bunch of unenthused girls during a poolside sexgame, to Jolene and her colleagues downing more alcohol than their bored guests, then topping the evening off with a bisexual snogging sesh in front of them. Is this the end of 'Club 18-30' style holidays then? Or merely the end of programmes about them?? The editorial line seems to be that it's impossible to make them look the slightest bit appealing - and all the squaddies have gone off to Iraq now anyway, haven't they?
The makers of Hollyoaks Let Loose seem to have decided that by replacing Aryans in school uniform with a trio of dodgy males - an ugly one, a swarthy one, and a posh rake of the variety who attempts virgins in Dickens novels - they can get away with all manner of dirty jokes. Presumably the titillation makes up for the cheapest production values I have seen on English TV. They're also cutting corners by getting two of the real Hollyoaks cast into the programme but not giving them any dialogue. I guess they'd have to pay them a tenner an hour more or something. This creates a strange situation where the couple sit there like mutes during scenes, occasionally reacting through facial expressions to what is being said, but, more often than not, impassively staring at the others as if they've never seen them before in their lives and they just couldn't find anywhere else to sit in the pub. Very odd indeed.
The religious hatred bill didn't go through and I'm therefore very tempted to launch an attack on every faith there is. Not because I'm hateful but because I don't like being told what to do. You can't scare me with your prison, or your jihad or your eternity in hell. This cultural move really pisses me off. We should all be able to say whatever we damn well like - firstly, because it exposes who are the real dicks around us, and, secondly, because it's possible to separate offensive words from malicious intents. That's why we have irony. That's why we're better than beasts. All MPs, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs and Seventh-Day Adventists who back legislation which tries to stop our mouths should be sent to Faliraki to stay with Jolene until they cry for mercy and a democracy which lets individuals decide how far they should go; not cocking religious, governmental or patriarchal authorities, or reps who force you to do crazy things to bananas.
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